Walking Retreat - Day 1

The next series of blog entries were written the old fashioned way (long hand on paper) during my most recent travels up north. I used the four days as a sort of “walking retreat” where my primary focus was reflection and rejuvenation. I feel that the experience was a great success.

Part I:
Sunday May 16, 2010

We find ourselves in Edmonton this morning after a whirlwind weekend of Scholarship Dinner and then an early flight out of O’Hare. It’s amazing what a few thousand miles and a reunion with family in a little house in the country can do for the soul. We’ve missed Greg, Kelly, and Jaxon very much, but our reunion has been seamless as if we’ve never been apart.

I am very thankful for the relationship I’ve found here with my in-laws. It seems almost effortlessly that we’ve quickly become a family. The best part is that my Mom and Dad get along famously with Kelly and Greg – and it’s very reassuring to have that extra layer of support and unity.

Being here, we’ve truly been able to relax. Distractions from work and the tedium of our routine are literally hundreds of miles away. No cell phones reception, no regular internet access, it’s been wonderful.

Here, in the Canadian west, I am reminded that life doesn’t have to be particularly complicated. Sure, if you focus on the minutia (which we all do at times) it can get overwhelming, but on another level life is a series of tough decisions that shape and form us. My life in the last year has changed drastically – for the better mind you – but still a fundamental shift has occurred and must be acknowledged.

As I’ve tried to make sense of life, the world, and my new place/role in it it’s become clear that we are far more than any one aspect of our life. We are more than our job or any labels assigned by others or ourselves. We are potentially all of these things and much, much, more. That is a very encouraging thought.

I have spent considerable time reflecting on the words of Mother Teresa who said, "Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."

You don't get much more to the point than that.

Thanks for asking...

I've been reading a lot of the writings of Anthony de Mello, S.J. over the past couple of years. De Mello is famous for saying/writing things that are hard for us to hear. He admits it. In his wonderful book based on his retreat work de Mello famously says, "You're an ass. I'm an ass. And that's ok." It's a refreshing perspective and really the key to getting through his text. He is not an author for the easily offended. He challenges you each step of the way.

On the website dedicated to his teachings (http://www.demello.org/) de Mello offers "one minute wisdom" that are gentle guides to keep us in the right mindset for getting through the day. One of my favorites is this:

ADULTHOOD To a disciple who was always at his prayers the Master said, When will you stop learning on God and stand on your own two feet? The disciple was astonished. But you are the one who taught us to look on God the Father! When will you learn that a father or mother isn't someone you can lean on but someone who rids you of tendency to lean? – Anthony de Mello, S.J.

Isn't that a great sentiment? A parent is one who rids us of the tendency to lean. How true. I think back to my own family and parents. We were never pressured to be this or study that -- rather we were challenged to find what made us happy and pursue that to its end conclusion. Don't get me wrong we were all encourage to do something after high school and be mindful of grades--but those were more general guidelines.

In light of the upcoming holiday in honor of mothers I'd like to take a quick moment and say thank you to my Mom. I remember in high school Mom encouraged us to be well rounded and try many different activities so we could have a good foundation in a lot of different things. Her theory was simply that we had the rest of our lives to specialize as an artiest, athlete or academic but high school was a good chance to diversify the interest portfolio.

One thing that will always stand out in my mind is that it was common for Mom (and Dad) to ask about our day. No matter how tired, busy, or frustrated they may have been with thier life they always asked my sisters, brothers, and I about our day and what happened at school. And they were genuinely interested. They wanted to know what was going on with us, what bothered us, and what got us excited about life. They even encouraged us to take an interest in each other's lives -- enven encouraging the more extroverted ones (like myself) to learn to be quiet and listen.

Beyond the formal encouragement Mom and Dad both offered us wonderful examples of selfless giving and commitment to serving others. For most of my high school and college career my family (along with a couple of my aunts, uncles, and cousins) provided 24/7 care for my Grammie (a formidable woman in her own right) in her final years. Mom worked 3rd shift full-time at a hospital 60 minutes from home, covered shifts with Grammie, managed a household of 6 kids, and was pregnant with number 7 for 9 of the last 18 months that Grammie was alive. Non-stop.

In addition to the super-human feats of organization and juggling, Mom was also half of a dynamic duo that just celebrated 30 years of marriage last month. THIRTY YEARS. You just don't hear about too many of those kinds of marriages any more. But here they are, my parents, still together and still having fun.

The point I'm trying to make is that my brothers, sisters, and I have been blessed to have great examples and champions in our parents. They genuinely cared about us and each other. No matter what happens we know that we have thier love and support, and that is a tremendous gift. It wasn't until I left home and was serving in AmeriCorps that I learned just how wonderful our home was growing up.

Thanks Mom (and Dad).

College is Real Life...with training wheels

It's that time of year again when the students pack their cars and head off into the world. Some leave our corn-husked halls as graduates who will only come back for visits at Homecoming and Little 500. Some will leave and due to a variety of circumstances will not be able to return. Some, however, will return in the Fall to pick up right where the left off.

As Pumas leave campus I reflect on my own college experience. At the time I was so ready to get out into "the real world." We all were, and we talked about it all the time. It was a slippery slope and if not careful college can become, in essence, a four year conversation about what you're going to do next. The danger here is that you focus so much on the future that you forget to enjoy the past.

When we had these discussions about "the real world" my friend used to get really frustrated. "College is the real world," he argued. At first I just thought he was being ridiculous, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. In many respects college is like the larger world -- only in smaller format. My adaptation to Angelo's thoery is that, "College is real life...but with training wheels." This is true at least at places like SJC where students are allowed to be adults, make their own decisions, and make thier own mistakes -- but with the safety net of having people around who care about them and will help when needed.

This is part of what makes college great.

The sad reality is that so many don't fully realize or utilize the gift of a safety net until they are out in the workforce and become independent. Then it's too late. Employeers are not as forgiving as professors when deadlines are missed, and landlords aren't as patient with angry parents when "Jonny's lost paperwork" means a housing application isn't filed on time. Extended adolecense is creeping from a cynical thoery into a commonly accepted reality and rooting itself to the psyche of American families.

But in college the safety net exists -- so that students can learn, make mistakes, have some successes, and ultimatly grow. I loved college, it was some of the best 4 years of my life. But by the time graduation rolled around I was ready to walk the tight rope without a net.

In tribute to the simple joys of college life and community living I present the following poem written originaly in 2000 or 2001 as part of a Creative Writing Poetry class I took under the direction of Dr. Bill Mottolesse. The poem was inspired by William Carlos William's piece This is just to say. Enjoy.

Note to a College Roommate

I have eaten
the pizza
that was in
the fridge

which you were
probably saving
for a drunk
snack

Damn,
it was delicious
perfect
and cold.

Inspired by William Carlos Williams’ “This is Just to Say”