"In this world...you must be oh-so smart or oh-so pleasant.' Well, for years I was smart.... I recommend pleasant. You may quote me." Elwood P. Dowd, "Harvey," 1950
This is not a post
about James Taylor. This is a post
about Thursday. In the
AmeriCorps*NCCC world it’s Team Leader Thursday. Normally I wouldn’t devote an entire blog post something I
got from a Facebook post, but today it stuck with me.
I had a great Team
Leader (TL). Jen Karmels built our
team around the values of patience, flexibility, and a healthy sense of
humor. But it was her presence
that helped us become a highly functional and cohesive unit. When we suffered, she suffered. When we need a friend, a mentor, a ride
to the doctor or a swift kick to get us back on track, Jen was right
there. Even these many years later
and miles apart Jen remains a presence in our lives.
Author, poet and
Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh says that, “the most precious gift we can offer
others is our presence.” In this
world of overburdened attention spans, jam packed schedules, and an addictive
tendency to try and do everything – we loose sight of this profound truth.
Earlier this
morning I learned that my teammate Rosa’s sister passed away last weekend. I cannot imagine the sense of loss that
their family must be going through.
But I know Rosa, and her parents.
I know that in the days and weeks to come they will be reflecting on the
good times they had with Ana. In
this context presence takes on an entirely new meaning and perhaps urgency. Presence is one of my 3 words for 2013, but being present is a practice that can be beneficial to all. So on this
Thursday, let us take a moment to be present to one another. Hug your kids, spend time with your
family, call a friend who you’ve been meaning to talk to for a while, take a risk and offer a kind word to a stranger. But do something to reach
out. In the end, it’s those
moments in which we are present for one another that stay with us.
"Today is a gift, that's why it's called the present" Master Oogway
This afternoon NPR aired a piece by Heidi Glenn called Losing Our Religion: the Growth of the‘Nones.’The long and short of
the piece is that more American’s are choosing to not identify with one of the
major established organized religions. My first reaction after reading the piece was,
“duh!” Followed closely, by the
urge to bury any fledgling ideas for this post in the shed out back and forget
about it.
However, one of my words for 2013 is guts, and we’re all
going to need some to have this conversation. Because that’s what I am convinced the Pew Study is
referencing, a national (and perhaps worldwide) conversation that involves the
entire human family.
“Religion is like a knife: you can
either use it to cut bread, or stick in someone's back.” Desmond Tutu
There is a bad taste in people’s mouth regarding religion. Leaders
of various organized religious groups turn out to be corrupt, dishonest,
selfish, dangerous, or worse and people lose faith. Too often religion is used for cutting down our opponents, rather than providing a common ground for dialogue. But religion is the human institution, made up of human
beings, and therefore subject to human flaws and shortcomings.
As one who is an active member of a traditional organized religion, I struggle when church scandals take place. I am saddened and frustrated when religious leaders make
statements, which I believe are counter to the accepting and forgiving spirit
of the faith. For these concerns there
are internal dialogues, which must be held to enact changes here too, but
that’s a topic for another post.
Please understand, that I’m not encouraging or justifying
why more people are walking away from religion. I believe that faith is a fundamental element for wholeness
and provides unique gifts and insights into the world. But in order to start talking about
solutions, we must identify some of the problems. After reading the NPR article and the Pew Research, there
are a couple of pieces that the authors missed.
People are tired. It’s been my experience that people are just tired of the perceived
judgment that comes along with most religion. Whether from official leadership or zealots down the pew,
most Westerners are done with petty judgments. And I can't say that I blame anyone who has reached this point.
Religions change at a glacial pace. Most major religions are struggling to
meet people where they are. Many
groups try to apply old models to a new generation of people who are used to a
user-centered instant update approach.
When they don’t find what they want, people walk. This attitude is not all that
dissimilar to the “lack of customer loyalty” cited in business
discussions. This capitalism of religion means that if a religion says something I
don’t like then I’ll go across the street to someone else.
People don’t need religion to function in society. The role of religion as a functional
element of daily life has diminished.
1,000 years ago your religion determined your worldview, but it also had
strong influence on where you lived, what profession you held, when you worked,
who you did business with, and served as a persons fundamental social and
cultural identity. The rise of
nationalism brought competition with religion for our loyalty, but even then
religion maintained influence. 100
years ago a person’s religious affiliation determined an individual’s place in
the community and their social circles.
Today, to many, religion is a checkbox on a form, a line on the online
bio, and a place you go for an hour a week. The schism between religion and secular aspects of our
life is so complete that a person can function without religion and notice very
little societal impact.
Religion, for all it's faults is not the faith. Religion is not the spirit of the movement.
Religion can (and often does) serve as the embodiment of the ideas of a faith tradition. When members of the Red Crescent or Magen David Adom bring relief to those in greatest need - religion becomes the hand of God. When Nuns, Brothers, Priests and ministers bring reconciliation, comfort, and healing into prisons and communities who have known violence - religion becomes the face of God. When groups from churches, temples, mosques, and synagogues reach out to the surrounding neighborhood to build community - religion becomes the family of God.
I think that if we all exercised a little more compassion
and understanding, that the major religions would have an easier time
connecting with people. All across
the board, we can all get a little better about meeting people where they
are. And if we do that, we may
just start seeing some progress.
This post really doesn’t answer the big questions, but I
hope it starts or continues or in some way benefits the conversation.
“I really feel that some people neglect and overlook
compassion because they associate it with religion. Of course, everyone is free
to choose whether they pay religion any regard, but to neglect compassion is a
mistake because it is the source of our own well-being.” The Dalai Lama
New Year’s resolutions have always seemed so fake to me. I am not sure that I know a single person who has set such a goal and stuck to it for the entire year. Life has a way of disrupting our schedules, injuries divert us from a workout program, and travel impedes our attempts to eat healthier. Pretty soon the resolution is out the window and it’s back to business as usual. To me, change has to be more organic in order to be lasting; because lets face it change is hard.
“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” Albert Einstein
Author/blogger Mitch Joel at “Six Pixels of Separation” turned me onto Chris Brogan’s practice of identifying “3 Words” for the year. These three words then serve as motivation and guidelines for all that you do during the year. Brogan, explains it like this, “In an effort to tell bigger stories, I've found that the concept of three words allows me to think in more dimensions about what I want to do with my life and it lets me apply lots of tangible goals instead of what most people do when they focus on just a finite task.”
Here goes nothing.
One of the dangers in posting goals like this online is that they are written down (pressure) and they are public (more pressure). Don’t get me wrong, not all pressure is bad, sometimes we do our very best work when being held accountable, but it’s pressure all the same. After two days of distilling a list, I am ready to unveil my list for this year.
My 3 words for 2013:
1. Simplify. While serving in AmeriCorps*NCCC, I learned to live with less. For months at a time my teams traveled with little more that what could fit in a red fire pack. Both physical and mental clutter detracts from my ability to live the life I want. There is just too much stuff getting in the way: At work there are papers and memos that need to be dealt with and filed or tossed. At home boxes full of old college papers and unassembled models make our office less of a workspace and more of a warehouse. Internally, there’s a great deal of mental noise, which impedes a persons ability to concentrate, pray, and focus. By trying to simplify there is an opportunity to do fewer (quantity) things better (quality).
2. Presence. When you get down to it, most of us are busy. So busy, in fact, that we often forget to enjoy life. I have been places and focused so much on taking pictures and journaling about the adventure that I nearly missed the experience. I live a few minutes drive from several family and friends, yet see them about as often as when I lived across the state. To be present, means to be mindful of where I am and what I am doing. To be present to those I am with, instead of thinking of all that “needs” to get done. To focus completely on the task at hand and resisting the urge to follow the squirrels of other ideas as they scamper across my train of thought.
3. Guts. I love this word. It reminds me of the action heroes from the 80’s and 90’s. They had guts. The pushed the limits and lived with the consequences. At least that’s how I remember them. Almost everyone falls into a routine, which can lead to complacency. It’s important to continually push the limits. Having gust means: taking risks; writing with courage; saying and doing what needs to be said and done because it is right. It means committing to something and not be ashamed of what we’ve committed to. Having guts means putting ourselves out there with honesty, compassion and faith. Faith in ourselves and faith that those who love us love us.
Game on.
I mentioned this exercise to a friend this afternoon who reminded me that three words are great, but only if they inspire action. Actions give words power, just as words can inspire powerful action. Regardless of which came first the relationship between words and action is essential to progress. Now that the words have been chosen, it’s time to act.
