Frayed Ends

When you sit down and really think about it there is a lot of noise banging around inside our heads. Most days it makes my head hurt just thinking about the many people, products, causes, etc. that try to demand our attention and support. As Americans we are inundated from an early age with so many options of what we can do it is no wonder that so many feel as though they are drowning in a sea of possibilities.


As a member of a generation raised on possibilities, I cannot escape the reality of making choices. Many choices. Difficult and mundane choices that may or may not significantly impact our lives, but must be made regardless.


Part of the problem, as I see it, is boundaries. When children show an aptitude in a particular area (academic, athletic, artistic, etc.) they are encouraged to continue developing a love for or literacy in that area. On the surface, this sounds great - but more often than not encouragement quickly becomes overwhelming pressure.


Last week I was asked to assume a leadership position in a local volunteer civic organization that focuses on service and community improvement. After some serious thought I decided that between work, advising the college chapter of Habitat for Humanity, and my involvement in two other volunteer organization that a leadership position was not the right choice--at this time. When I explained this to the incoming President (who was trying to recruit me) you'd have thought I kicked his favorite puppy. He pulled out all the stops and laid down a guilt trip that would have made any Catholic School Nun or Jewish Grandma proud.


I stuck to my guns and remain simply a member at large in the club.


But this incident got me thinking. In my current position it's not uncommon for me to interact with some of the best and brightest students on our campus. Over the past three year's I've told a number of hyper-active college students that it's ok to say "no" once in a while.


We all have a breaking point and part of our "highest education" is learning where that point is and respecting it. I'm not talking about pushing boundaries in order to grow, rather I'm talking about the point at which we are so busy trying to be everything for everyone that all of our projects suffer. Then we become nothing to anyone.


At some point in the growing up process we must learn where our limits.


Please understand that I am not advocating complacency. We are perfectly capable of pushing our limits and growing to achieve things that we never imagined possible -- that's an essential part of the human condition. But such achievement means a great deal of work, vision, and drive. Those who do achieve such feats of accomplishment, though, already understand what I'm writing about. In order to say yes to one area of life we must sometimes say no to others. This choice is not easy, but it is necessary, and the sooner we come to grips with that the better off we will be.


In the end it comes back to balance. We can encourage, but it can quickly become pressure. We can achieve, but it too can become a drug. We can embrace all, and feel vastly lonely.


We possess the power to choose. While this can be a frustrating blessing, it is also a sacred curse, one that our forbearers fought and died to secure on our behalf. The right to choose our own path in life is something that we seem to take for granted. When we speak of our rights, our choice, or our opinion we use words like "God given" and "inalienable" implying their certainty. But our ability to choose has come at a steep price and we must honor that price with action.


We have been given a great inheritance, but with that great gift comes a challenge, for we must learn to live with the choices we make.