M.O.B. 4 Life

Two weeks ago campus turned upside down for two days as we celebrated the annual Little 500 Go-Kart Race. Over the years I’ve been hit or miss interested in Little 5. I’m not a huge racing fan and grew out of the “need” to drink for three days straight that the event represented during my college days.

This year, however, the MOB descended on campus in great numbers to offer our support of Car #5 – Green Lightening Racing. In addition to the driver being the younger brother of our two buddies Green Lightening Racing is also the unofficial Bennett Car. It was good to see so many MOB back for the event and to catch up with everyone, but there was more at work than a reunion of old friends.

As my buddy Todd mentioned in his post Car #5 the convergence of the new and the old MOB was a monumental event and illustrated the certainty that the spirit of SJC is alive and kicking. As the MOB alumni returned and shared their stories, we interacted with current MOB and heard some of their stories. In this age of individualism and independence there is still a need for people to gather and support one another – and that is very much a part of the MOB experience.

In fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret about what makes the MOB special. It isn’t about where you physically lived on campus, what you studied, or where you partied. The central tenant of the MOB worldview is loyalty and friendship. It’s about belonging to something bigger than yourself and having a group of people who looked out for one another – that’s it – loyalty and friendship.

Once upon a time at Saint Joe these communities existed in every dorm on campus (and on college and university campuses across the world) – Bennett, Noll, Merlini, Gallagher, and even Siefert. Now the reality is that times, as the saying goes, have changed and the overt communities have seemingly dissolved. But I think if you look hard enough you will realize that the spirit of unity just might still be present at SJC. The dorm based communities may no longer exist, but there are new affinity groups to which people belong with similar fervor. This gives me hope.

For critics of this millennial generation to quickly write them off as self-centered and disloyal would be a mistake. The current college students have what it takes to bring back tight-knit communities, now it’s just a matter of doing it.

Good luck to the MOB: The Next Generation.

Yee-Haw, eh?

I always hoped that if I met a cowboy it would be someone like Sam Elliot. You know the reluctant hero from all those westerns, someone quiet, grizzled, and meaner than dirt to anyone who looked at him-except an old yellow dog who he’d love more than the bad guys he’d shoot. Well I haven’t met that guy yet (I still have high hopes), but I have met some cowboys. A few years ago I even met a Canadian Cowboy. My buddy Greg is everything it means to be a cowboy—I mean a real cowboy. Sure he lives on a farm with horses, drives a truck, and has a huge yellow dog, but he’s more than that. Greg is a cowboy at his core. He’s got guts and seems to have an unwavering compass that helps him stay the course and sift through some of life’s trickier twists.

Last year I received a book from Greg called, Cowboy Values by James P. Owen. The book is great and could have been written by Greg himself. In the book Owen takes a critical look at the culture of the American West and the role that the cowboy traditionally played in the formation of that society. Owens paints a beautiful picture of the American Spirit and idealizes in the image of the cowboy. In his examination of our staple heroic icon Owen identifies seven Cowboy Values that he says are fundamental to the cowboy way of life.

The one that I continue to return to is the very first value: courage.

When Greg sent me Cowboy Values I was at the very beginning of a new chapter in my life. New responsibilities and a fear of the unknown were heavy on my mind, and more than once Greg (and others) worked to help me keep things in perspective. But of all the advice I received during that time I continue to return to the lessons about courage in Cowboy Values.

Owen writes that Courage is not just something you either have or you don’t, like everything else it grows. It grows from:

• Acknowledging fear and confronting it head-on
• Accepting risk, change, and failure as part of life
• Persevering despite the odds
• Standing up for what we believe
• Enduring hardship and adversity without complaint
• Being willing to make tough choices
• Living the life we want

As I reflect on these pearls of wisdom I find myself staring in the face of my fearful youth. They all seem so simple and evident when written down in bullet point. Even know it’s hard not to think, “Well yeah, of course that’s what it means to have courage.” But putting words and thoughts into action is another matter entirely. Think about it – the 10 Commandments, the 8 Fold Path, the 5 Pillars of Islam, the Beatitudes, etc. are all simple lists of how we should live and yet the application of these divine bullet points have eluded humanity for ages.

And so here we are faced with bullet points.

Courage involves things that we want: guts, a label as tough and capable, and even sometimes fame and glory. On the other side of the proverbial coin courage also requires us to taunt our fears, flirt with hardship and adversity, and sometimes even accept failure. This side of the coin is not so easy for us to accept. But as Greg reminded me, without the risk of failure (and past failures) you’ll never be able to fully appreciate the great things that do happen.

I tend to take myself a little too seriously sometimes and add to that my general passion for life and what I think is right and wrong – and there’s a recipe for inner turmoil. At a time when my courage seemed to be faltering Greg reminded me in a no-nonsense way that life sometimes just sucked and there were only two things you could do about it – let it beat you down (the easy way) or keep on going (the right way). Put in such simple terms there really wasn’t much of a choice for me and I simply chuckled and kept going.

The courage, optimism, self-reliance, authenticity, honor, duty, and heart of the cowboy is an ideal that made the American west a place where heroes were real and people looked out for each other. These are all traits that each of us strive for in our daily lives and we need look no further than our shared culture to find examples of these values in action today.

When I married Katie last October Greg became family. It seemed so natural that this Canadian Cowboy would join the ranks of my heroes, a group made up of EMTs, nurses, soldiers, actors, firefighters, teachers, USAF pilots, AmeriCorps Members, plumbers, farmers, and many more. Without his advice, support, and the occasional kick in the ass I wouldn’t have weathered the storms so well. I don’t know if I can ever say thank you enough—but I can say that I’m a better person for having this Canadian Cowboy in my life.

I’m still holding out to meet Sam Elliot in a bar someday, but I guess that will have to wait.

http://www.cowboyethics.org/

Frayed Ends

When you sit down and really think about it there is a lot of noise banging around inside our heads. Most days it makes my head hurt just thinking about the many people, products, causes, etc. that try to demand our attention and support. As Americans we are inundated from an early age with so many options of what we can do it is no wonder that so many feel as though they are drowning in a sea of possibilities.


As a member of a generation raised on possibilities, I cannot escape the reality of making choices. Many choices. Difficult and mundane choices that may or may not significantly impact our lives, but must be made regardless.


Part of the problem, as I see it, is boundaries. When children show an aptitude in a particular area (academic, athletic, artistic, etc.) they are encouraged to continue developing a love for or literacy in that area. On the surface, this sounds great - but more often than not encouragement quickly becomes overwhelming pressure.


Last week I was asked to assume a leadership position in a local volunteer civic organization that focuses on service and community improvement. After some serious thought I decided that between work, advising the college chapter of Habitat for Humanity, and my involvement in two other volunteer organization that a leadership position was not the right choice--at this time. When I explained this to the incoming President (who was trying to recruit me) you'd have thought I kicked his favorite puppy. He pulled out all the stops and laid down a guilt trip that would have made any Catholic School Nun or Jewish Grandma proud.


I stuck to my guns and remain simply a member at large in the club.


But this incident got me thinking. In my current position it's not uncommon for me to interact with some of the best and brightest students on our campus. Over the past three year's I've told a number of hyper-active college students that it's ok to say "no" once in a while.


We all have a breaking point and part of our "highest education" is learning where that point is and respecting it. I'm not talking about pushing boundaries in order to grow, rather I'm talking about the point at which we are so busy trying to be everything for everyone that all of our projects suffer. Then we become nothing to anyone.


At some point in the growing up process we must learn where our limits.


Please understand that I am not advocating complacency. We are perfectly capable of pushing our limits and growing to achieve things that we never imagined possible -- that's an essential part of the human condition. But such achievement means a great deal of work, vision, and drive. Those who do achieve such feats of accomplishment, though, already understand what I'm writing about. In order to say yes to one area of life we must sometimes say no to others. This choice is not easy, but it is necessary, and the sooner we come to grips with that the better off we will be.


In the end it comes back to balance. We can encourage, but it can quickly become pressure. We can achieve, but it too can become a drug. We can embrace all, and feel vastly lonely.


We possess the power to choose. While this can be a frustrating blessing, it is also a sacred curse, one that our forbearers fought and died to secure on our behalf. The right to choose our own path in life is something that we seem to take for granted. When we speak of our rights, our choice, or our opinion we use words like "God given" and "inalienable" implying their certainty. But our ability to choose has come at a steep price and we must honor that price with action.


We have been given a great inheritance, but with that great gift comes a challenge, for we must learn to live with the choices we make.

When the Bubble Bursts

Once upon a time in the land of sunshine and Mountain Dew a squinty-eyed boy named Nick had this funny notion that if he was a good boy, worked hard, stood up for what was right, told the truth, and saved his pennies that someday life would “get easy.” Nick frolicked in a meadow of daffodils and pixie sticks all day long and at night had dreams of three week vacations, picturesque holidays with his family, and a house with a detached garage for his woodshop.

The next morning Nick woke up and was five years out of college working 50 hours a week (but getting paid for 40) with rent, a car loan, and student loan payments that resembled his parents’ mortgage. He did not frolick and the only meadows he crossed were filled with crab grass and empty beer cans. At night, his dreams were plagued with thumping as the upstairs neighbors had yet another 2 a.m. Dance, Dance Revolution party right above his bed. “How did I get here?” he thought.

This story is not uncommon. Many of us build up a notion of an ‘ideal’ life full of dreams, possibilities, and hope. Then reality sets in and the inescapable demands of life come to bear. There really is no such thing as a free lunch.

When the bubble bursts it can be a painful transition from illusion to the real world of consequences and difficult choices – but it does not have to be hopeless. Despite the hard work the real world can and does possess many beautiful attractions and it is possible to get a handle on the juggling act that is life.

The important part is perspective.

It is easy to let the reality of life consume you. When your boss puts the pressure on to win a big case, win over the big client, lead your students to achieve the next standardized benchmark it is easy to get tunnel vision. When bills come too frequently and payday not soon enough, it’s hard to be patient with the girl scouts selling cookies. When you are stressed from work, hounded to volunteer at church, and overwhelmed by the growing ‘to do’ list around the house, it’s hard to take 10 minutes and play legos with your kids.

But those are the moments that matter. When the duff is swept away the path to happiness is not centered in careers, profit margins, or plaques on the wall. Rather it is in the relationships that we have with the people in our lives, ourselves, and God that matter most. Jobs can come and go, organizations rise and fall, and fortunes are won and lost every day – but quality relationships can last a lifetime.

An hour ago I would have told you that my day sucked. Pressures at work, concerns over money, and a general lack of hours in the day to accomplish what I feel I must, started to weigh me down. But then I realized – in 9 days I will be getting married to the most wonderful woman in the world. I am blessed with a family who loves me, and I have some of the best friends a guy could ask for.

Not such a bad day after all. Which is the point really. If we have the right mindset it’s easy to have a good day. The challenge is to find and keep that mindset in the forefront of the mind.

Good Luck and Safe Travels.

**For a soundtrack to accompany this post check out Jason LeVasseur’s song, “I’m in the mood for a good day.”

My Brand of Crazy

We are all nuts. I mean certifiably crazy at times. This is an inescapable reality of the human experience. While there are degrees of crazy, most of us are just highly functional nut-jobs.

Let’s exclude those who are a danger to themselves and others - manic or psychotic criminals, those who suffer from serious mental ailments, Sarah Palin, etc. I don’t wish to make light of serious ailments that people have not control over.

BUT…

Think about your friends, your family, even the events of your own day and it won’t take you long to realize that we are all a little insane. We justify this, but deep down we all feel a bit out of control at times.

First, what is normal?
Second, who says that’s normal? MTV? Hollywood? The Church? Our parents? School? Some pointy headed professor who probably has been divorced five or six times and is not on speaking terms with his children? Get the point?

Human beings are communal animals, and we can help each other, but it’s not because some of us have our shit together and some don’t. At best we hope to stagger the crazy. If I am ok / with it / in control 60% of the time, you are ok 65% of the time, and someone else is ok 55% of the time then chances are good that someone will be strong while the others are struggling. This results in compromise and the birth of a give-and-take relationship.

Booyah!

Life is messy, especially when it deals with people.

Oh, sh*t.

We’re people.

That could get messy.

I guess we’re going to have to learn to deal with it.

Just remember that it is out of the mess of life and relationships that some genuine good moments and blessings arise. The character Mimi from the musical Rent neatly captures this sentiment when she say, “Life’s too short babe, time is a flyin’, I’m looking for baggage that goes with mine.” I love this sentiment.

Welcome to my brand of crazy.

Tolerence: Religious Ideal or Hippie Mantra

In my experience, those who speak out about great pitfalls of organized religion are often sucked into mindsets of intolerance of which they accuse religions to possess.

It is no great secret that many unjust acts (war, discrimination, torture, persecution, execution, etc.) have been carried out in the name of religion. Christianity, Islam, Jeudism, and many other organized religous groups have all been misused and misinterpreted at times to justify the weak, selfish, and corrupt acts of religious zealots.

But we, who are here and now, are shouldered not only with the burdens of the past, but the decisions of the present which will impact the future. Religion is not going to go away--at least not in our lifetime.

Should there be religious tolerance? Yes. But there should be tolerance for religion too.

I witnessed an interaction with college aged students (18-24 year) not all that long ago that illustrates this point. The group was having a discussion and a young man jokingly called a local politician a, “pink-o commie bas*ard.” Two young women in the group, abruptly turned on the author of the comment and vehemently defended the tenets of Marxism, preaching tolerance and acceptance of people, and ending with an assertion to the effect of, ‘if there was more communism in the world it would be a much more tolerant place.’ The young man was stunned to silence due to the vigor of the outburst and the conversation returned to more neutral topics.

Not an hour later the two women who launched the pro-tolerance sermon, engaged in a rather unfair and lengthy roast of Christianity and all Christians. The excessive criticism expressed by these young women caused many in the group to take pause at the severity. The discussion ended in one of the young women performing a very off color impression of someone with downs syndrome.

I find this situation, while extreme, to illustrate the growing mentality slated toward a fundamental call to tolerance – with a stark exception of tolerance toward Christianity and those who adhere to the more ‘traditional’ Christian worldviews. As illustrated by this situation, the young women felt very strongly about tolerance for non-Christian religious groups, any ethnic and racial groups (other than European Caucasians), and anyone who seeks a spiritual existence outside of religion – but somehow considered Christians an exception to the tolerance rule.

The reality is that not all Christians are redneck bigots, any more than all Muslims are terrorists, any more than all rappers are dangerous gangsters, any more than all democrats are hippies, any more than …

Do you see my point?

Tolerance goes both ways.

For those who want to practice a more spiritual existence outside of religion, more power to them. Not my choice, but I support their right of free expression. One of this country’s greatest founding principles is religious freedom. But to criticize and ostracize those who adhere to traditional Christianity, or Judaism, or the tenants of Islam just because they practice a religion is to be equally as judgmental and intolerant.

Young people who adhere to the more traditional religions are increasingly being made to feel as though they should be on the defensive. Is this justice?

There are those who will, of course, throw in my face a litany of atrocities committed in the name of religion. Admittedly, there are many. But upon deeper reflection and study, I would wager a guess that the abuses of power that happen under the banner of religion are still products of human weakness. And let us all remember that there are very, very few large human organizations that don’t have dark moments in their history.

The reality is that most traditional world religions at their core preach peace, justice, compassion, reconciliation, and tolerance.

And these, we can call agree upon are some of the fundamental tenants of a just society.

The Cell Phone Disconnect

A couple of nights ago I got a call from a friends’ mom. She was trying very hard to be calm, but very nervously blurted out that she had not heard from her daughter for several days. My friend moved to Chicago a few months ago, far from her family and home, and so when no one from home had heard from her in several days they naturally became worried. It turns out my friend is fine – and simply forgot her phone charger at work resulting in a dead battery.

No harm, no foul. Right?

I’m not so sure.

Consider this, we have become a society of instant gratification and instant communication. There are computers in our homes, at our offices, in our backpacks, in our cars, on our belt, you name it.

We have…
o Nextel Direct Connect instant communication, making cell phones as instant as walkie talkies and 500 times as powerful.
o Bluetooth – because picking up your phone is sometimes just not possible.
o Laptops
o i-Phones – Bringing entertainment and communication together
o i-Pod Touch – the music player that connects to the internet.
· Skype
· Garman GPS Personal Navigation System

I hope you can see where I’m going with this. Instant communication is a multi-billion dollar business.

When that communication breaks down, however…look out.
Instant communication on one hand offers a sense of reassurance and comfort. If a parent knows that they can instantly communicate with a child, then it is easier to let that child travel and spend time away from the parent.

But I wonder if instant communication has triggered other subconscious elements of our worldview, beyond safety and security. If a parent can be in immediate communication with a child, or track the child’s GPS location through their phone, is the child really free? Can a child experience a true freedom to find the self if Mom, Dad, and an entire support system are only one speed dial setting away?

For those of us who grew up without cell phones help was not always right at our finger tips. We had to learn to be independent, just as our parents had to learn to let us go. These are difficult lessons for both children and parents, but at their core they are lessons in faith.

Parents must have faith in the way that they raised their children, as well as discover faith in the children themselves. Children, by comparison, must learn to have faith in their own judgment and independence.

And we all (no matter our role) must have faith in God.

As human beings we seem to think that there is a patter or format which can be mastered in order to achieve a ‘successful life.’ No matter what you call it – nirvana, heaven, enlightenment, self awareness, the secret of everlasting life, etc. – every culture seeks the same end. And as man plans, God laughs.

We can arm our kids with cell phones, safety courses, self-defense classes, but at the end of the day they have got to be allowed to go out and live life. Life is messy, and as Mr. Miyagi said in The Karate Kid, “Somebody else’s Karate always better.” Bad things might happen to good people – so should good people not interact with anyone out of this fear. NO!
The things that we hear about in the news and see at the movies may happen from time to time. But for every bad thing that is covered over and over again in the news there are thirty good things that don’t get coverage.

We should be cautious and encourage people to be safe, but not at the expense of living life. Our cell phones are a great tool, but for all of their ability to empower connections to our family and friends – they might be facilitating the disconnect between people and their ability to grow.