2012: A Year of Hope

In a few hours my three youngest sisters will join Katie and I for a night of games, food, and general fun as we ring in the new year. But before the festivities begin, its only appropriate to pause a moment and think about what we are celebrating.

2011 brought us:

Our 2nd Anniversary

A new sister-in-law

New job

Back to Plymouth and near family

The promise of a new Godchild in Jan/Feb

New little cousins

New MOB-nieces

New Ameri-nephew

Many good times with friends and family

And much more for which we are Thankful.

In 2012 we look forward to new opportunities and a fresh start to become what we want to be, what we are meant to be. 2012 may yet be the end of the world as we know it. It may be the beginning of a new era of community and cooperation. 2012 may yet prove to be the year when we see humanity at its very best. For myself I choose to identify this as the year of hope.

Here is to the blessings of the past year. To the lessons learned and the joys realized. We embrace 2012 with open arms and full of hope for a year of family, friends, and good beer!

Meth is a Hell of a Drug

This picture makes me laugh every time. That said I've found new meaning in the message in recent viewings. While I don't have a problem with Meth -- I do struggle with excess, as we all do. Work, achievement, food, a good book, TV, prayer without action -- all of these in excess can turn us into the proverbial "Animal." Focused on one aspect of our life/routine and neglecting the other.

The month of November and my participation in the Nanowrimo project brought into sharp contrast the fact that I've surrendered part of myself to those things which seem urgent, but are not truly important. I almost bailed on the writing project twice during the 30 days of hell which included Nanowrimo, hunting season, Thanksgiving, and several projects at work that demanded copious amounts of both my physical and mental energy. I was quick to surrender attention to my physical health, my love of writing and storytelling, and other personal pursuits in favor of "getting things done."

I am thankful that Katie was there to help me straighten out my priorities and examine what really mattered. Yes, work matters, but should it dominate my life? Yes, being responsible is important, but does that mean that we neglect taking care of ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually? Is listening to a frustrated co-worker less important than answering 5 more e-mails and accomplishing one more report for early review? Were the two extra meetings that could have waited until tomorrow worth being an hour late for dinner with family and friends? Is that networking even really more important than my little sister's Christmas play? I think it's pretty clear at this moment that "no" is the answer to all of these.

The kick of this is that in the calm and rational moments the disparity is clear to see. When immersed in the chaos of life, however, it is far more difficult to maintain or find the calm. Seeking this calm, either as a semi-perminant state or a state which can be easily recalled, remains one of my lifetime goals. I continue my struggle, but with knowledge that this too is part of the great mystery and journey of life.

What do you struggle with?

Well that was fun.

Nanowrimo 2011 has concluded. I've taken a week to breath and let the work of the past 30 days sink in. To report out, I spent a great deal of time writing and was rewarded with a good start to a novel. I did not achieve the 50,000 word limit that signifies "winners," however, I have so much usable material it was still well worth the endeavor.

The story is not ready for public consumption as of yet, but I hope to continue to work on it this year and have something to send out by the end of 2012. I'll keep you all posted.

October Writing Challenge

Discipline.

Chances are that when you read that word your initial thoughts ran to some sort of punishment. It seems that while we are intellectually aware that discipline can mean a number of things it’s often thought of in terms of punishment.

But there is another side to discipline.

“Control gained by enforcing obedience or order,” is another way to look at discipline. To be a disciple means to follow a particular path. To make ones self stronger and in some sense more whole.

Most people do not just go out and run a marathon. They train. They discipline themselves in order to push beyond the bounds of normal performance.

In November I am running a literary marathon by participating in the National Novel Writing Month (www.NanoWrimo.org). I’ve talked about writing a book for some time, and have even made a few weak attempts. November is the time. I can no longer call myself a writer if I don't write for public consumption. So it's time to take the plunge. A few weeks ago I heard Jonathan Rand speak and his advice to writers was to keep writing. Every day. No more excuses.

So I'm in. November is it.

In preparation for Nanowrimo, I am committing to writing every day from now until the end of October. So when November starts, I’ll be ready for a marathon writing experience. As part of my training I’ll be playing with all different forms of writing, some of which I’ll post here.

If you have ideas or inspiration to share, send it my way.

Frozen Food Tells Me She Loves Me

One of the blessings of married life (at least for me) is the frozen food. I know, it may sound odd, but frozen food is one of the little reminders I have that she loves me. Unlike the frozen food of my bachelor days (Totino’s pizza, HungryMan Dinners, etc.) the frozen food I eat now is homemade. Chicken & Vegetable Soup, African Stew, Cabbage Rolls, and Split Pea Soup now grace our table and freezer with regularity. That way, when I’m in a hurry or want a hot lunch at work I can have a healthy and home cooked meal. But it’s more than a home cooked meal.

I think that this frozen food has helped save my life. I’ve always been a big guy, but shortly after we were married I stepped on the scale and realized that something had to change. I worked long hours. I ate quickly and whatever I could grab on the fly. I was significantly over weight and with the risk of diabetes looming over nearly every American decided that there was no time like the present.

So, in January of 2010 I got serious. Katie helped me learn to eat better and start a work out regimen. Over that period of time (and with a lot of encouragement and help from Katie, the Huffs, Mark Brouwer, Dan Cook, my Parents, siblings, and others) I’ve been able to loose 95 lbs. There is still a long way to go, but frozen food and eating right was the first step. It's also become a part of my lifestyle. Katie was right there at the beginning and she is right there helping me along the way each day. That’s one of those little reminders that I have every single day, that she loves me.

At our wedding we honored the couple present who had been married the longest. Out of all the family and friends present the Hogans (lifelong friends of Katie’s) took the prize. After the dance and obligatory pictures, Mr. Hogan leaned over to me and said, “take care of each other.” It was simple, but very good advice that we’ve tried to live by every day since. I hope that I can take as good a care of her as she has of me.

"You're My Guys..."

I’ve been thinking about teams a lot in the past couple of weeks. My new job means a new team is forming. We are all from different departments or entirely new organizations, so we are all learning. I’m also reading a books, both fiction and non-fiction that center on the idea of teams.

Teams are important.

At the end of the day you can have a group or a team. Groups are loose and transient collectives of people who occupy the same airspace for a given amount of time.

But a team.

A real team endures.

It’s not easy to be on a team. Teams are made up of people, and people are a messy business. Teams must be formed, then they storm, then settle into a pattern of normalcy, then they storm gain, and somewhere along the way they perform.

Forming, storming, norming, performing, rinse and repeat. This is the life cycle of a team, but in the quiet moments (and the chaotic moments) respect grows, honesty emerges, and if you are lucky loyalty takes root.

I’ve been lucky to be part of many teams, and for that I am grateful. By way of example I served with AmeriCorps*NCCC Team Silver 1 for 10 months. We were a group of strangers randomly selected and thrown together in August 2003 and by June 2004 a family had formed. Sure we had our fair share of difficult times with hammers dropped on heads, fights over the music, minor and major personality conflicts, you name it. But there was also a trust that can only develop when we share a life with 10 other people all day, every day for a year. We parted company nearly 7 years ago, but they are still my team. I think about them every single day. Their picture sits on my desk right next to my brothers and sisters, next to pictures of my wife, and friends from childhood, college and beyond. They are still my team.

Right now, at work, our team is forming. Some have been with the company for a while, others are new, but in the end we have to work together to accomplish some daunting tasks.

Today, a co-worker shared a great quote with me that summed things up quite nicely.

CONTEXT: From the show “The West Wing.” Delivered by Toby to a group of staffers after a comment in a meeting leaked to the Press.

“We're a group…we're a team...We win together, we lose together, we celebrate and we mourn together. And defeats are softened and victories sweetened because we did them together...And if you don't like this team... then, there's the door... It's great to be in the know. It's great to have the scoop, to have the skinny, to be able to go to a reporter and say, "I know something you don't know." And so the press becomes your constituents and you sell out the team... So, an item will appear in the paper tomorrow, and it'll be embarrassing to me and embarrassing to the President. I'm not gonna have a witch hunt. I'm not gonna huff and puff. I'm not gonna take anyone's head off. I'm simply gonna say this: you're my guys. And I'm yours... and there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

That's it. At the end of the day a good team always has your back. In that way a good team is a lot like family.

Change is Hard

Two months ago Katie and I, with the help of some amazing friends and family, relocated all of our worldly possessions from one side of the state to another.   New jobs and opportunities to be closer to family pried us away from SJC and our friends in Rensselaer.  A lot has changed since our move and times of change are often provide a good opportunity to reflect.  

Round 2 at SJC has been as every bit as educational and thought provoking as my first time in residence with the Pumas.  My friends, both old and new, renewed my faith in the good nature of people, and this time I was fortunate enough to share this with my wife…my best friend…chief advisor and hero.   

At SJC Katie learned to share my love of Puma-culture, she was able to be a part of a Kairos team, we made new friendships and strengthened old ones, and started to build our life together under the shadow of the twin towers.  Life was good. 

But change is a part of life.  

One of the things that I learned at SJC is that we must be true to ourselves and aware of what our minds and hearts tell us.  After four years on staff, it was time for me to move on again.  I was ready.  SJC was ready.  We just didn’t realize it until the change was happening.  When the opportunity to move to South Bend and serve Public Library opened up I knew that this was the right move for me.  I don’t know how I knew it, but some part of me knew that this was the right step. 

When I announced my plans to leave I was burdened with an odd mix of emotions ranging from excitement to guilt.  The guilt nagged at me.  Not because I really felt guilty, but because I was wondering why I felt guilt.  My departure was not wrong, but I felt compelled to play the part of the loyalist dragging my feet and grumbling about not really wanting to go.  In reality, I was simply conflicted.  Both feelings of excitement for new opportunities and regret at having to leave friends were both valid.

Do I miss my friends, Yes.  (every day)

Do I feel guilty for leaving, No. 

Change is hard.  Life is difficult, but does that make a new adventure less desirable? I don’t think so.  My last two months at the Library have been some of the most challenging and yet professionally rewarding that I have known.  It's been difficult, but I don't regret the move.  Paulo Coelho reminds us that our choices are “… real and true precisely because [they are] difficult.”

SJC is above all things, a school.  No school wants it’s students to remain stagnant.   The goal is to spend time in study and then move into a new role or level of awareness.  We celebrate that transition each Spring when students go forth and commence life. 

So I guess this was my second commencement from SJC. 

And it was another wild ride.

Wisdom: It Might be Closer than You Think

This past weekend was the annual Brown-McKeigue Family Reunion (mom’s side). Each year the group dynamic changes with a few new faces due to births, marriages, significant others,’ etc. and a few absent ones as a result of death, illness, and those who live too far/or work too much to make the trip. This year was no different with plenty of cousins bringing new spouses and children into the fold and too few of the older generations able to make the picnic. All in all, however, we gathered and over a great picnic spread and various water balloon fights were able to reconnect.

I’m also reading Lee Iococa’s book Where Have All the Leaders Gone?, which has provided ample fodder for reflection. In our youth we go off in search of leadership and teachers, often only to return to our roots to recognize and acknowledge our real teachers. It’s pretty clear that we have many teachers throughout our lives, and they all serve in different capacities. Sometimes you get Mr. Miayagi and sometimes you get the R. Lee Ermy (the Drill Instructor) from Full Metal Jacket. Either way we learn something.

James Alexander McKeigue was one of my great teachers. Even though his passing happened early in my life, the lessons that he (and his siblings) imparted on younger generations are timeless. They were taught to my parents, to my brothers and sisters and cousins, and I plan to make sure they are taught to our children.

Uncle Jim’s Reflections: How to Get More Out of Life

1. Keep your priorities.

2. Get a good wife.

3. Get enough education to get a job you enjoy.

4. Treat others the way you’d like to be treated.

5. Save your money, then invest it.

6. Live your own life, not someone else’s.

7. Tell those you love that you do.

8. Mind your own business.

9. Count your blessings…often.

10. True friends are few, keep in touch with them.

11. Keep your sense of humor.

Raymond John Schafer, had a similar set of guidelines that he imparted to his son’s and daughters. Though a shorter list, the fundamentals are the same. Grandpa’s three guiding principles were as follows:

1. Be a good husband (spouse)

2. Be a good father (parent)

3. Be a good Catholic (be a person of faith and conscious)

I guess after all the cost of my formal education, travels across North America, and numerous retreats and spiritual advisors – my greatest lessons were learned at home and cost nothing except the time to listen.

Accepting Hoss Cartwright

I always wanted to be a cowboy. Rooster Cogburn, John McClintock (both John Wayne), Josie Whales, and the Preacher (both Clint Eastwood) lived by a code. They were tough, honest, carried a gun, rode horses, had dogs, protected the innocent, and usually ended up with the cute school teacher, preacher or farmer's daughter. What little boy wouldn't like that? Come to think of it I can't imagine many grown men how would turn up their nose at that life.

It's the American Dream. But life had other plans in store for me, and I am not a cowboy. I don't rope or ride or carry a six shooter. But the cowboys of the silver screen are still some of my favorite heroes.

Last year for Christmas my buddy Greg sent me a copy of Cowboy Values by James P. Owen. It's a great book. I was thinking about that book the other day and it dawned on me that I am not John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, or any of the formidable men whom they portrayed. In the spectrum of Cowboys I'm probably more of a Hoss Cartwright. At first that thought bothered me a little bit. Hoss was a supporting character with a goofy hat. He never really end up with the respect that some of the other Cartwrights enjoyed.

But then it dawned on me that Hoss might have been the best of cowboys. He lived by a code of honor. He seemed to enjoy life, love his family, and treat people with respect. Don't get me wrong, if someone was messing with Pa, Joe, or Hop Sing Old Hoss could be mean in a fight. But he was more likely to beat the snot out of you, then help you up and buy you a beer.

That's the kind of cowboy I'd be. Like Hoss. Maybe not as tough and scary as the Duke, but that's ok. It takes all kinds of cowboys to make up the Wild West.

Finite Resources

It is fitting that this is posted on 3.14.11 – or Pi Day if you happen to run in mathematics circles. While most of my friends would rather celebrate PIE DAY, a number of my friends have acknowledged Pi Day via facebook or text. Pi or "π," which holds an approximate numeric value of 3.14159265… drifts off into in to an incalculable number of decimal places beyond those used in normal calculation (several billion at last count).

Recently it’s come to my attention that many of us view the world in terms of Pi colored lenses. That is to say we view the world in as having endless resources and possibilities. While we may believe that if we want something bad enough it will be there. The reality is that like Pi eventually the numbers will run out.

We seem to always be in search of more.
More money
More benefits
More security
More promotion
More status
More car
More stuff
More travel
More vacation
More weekend
More energy
More muscle
More time

Our workplaces demand more:
More sales
More contacts
More results
More phone calls
More hours
More access to you (thank you smart phones)
More profits
More growth

When is there ever enough?

Eventually the bubble will burst. Our company, culture, or community will reach a saturation point when there is not enough. Eventually we will have no more.

When that time comes where will we stand?

Instead of simply focusing on growth, we must adopt a mindset that allows for sustainability. Natural resources, social security, and job security for teachers are all examples of social fixtures that many assumed would always be there, like the number of decimal places of Pi drifting through eternity. The sad reality of the past decade has only reinforced that the things too are finite.

Perhaps we should focus on “enough.”

This is not a call for mediocrity or laziness, rather a call to right thinking. If your work continues to ask you to do more without providing additional resources or benefits – eventually one burns out. If every new driver in America needs to have a gas guzzling SUV—the cost of fuel skyrockets and eventually the fossil fuels run out. If every newly wed couple goes into debt buying a house big enough for a family of eight then defaults on the loan– eventually the credit rates for all pay the price.

The point here is not that growth is bad. Rather, growth must be cultivated responsibly and reasonably in order to be sustainable. We must find balance. We must take a deep breath and focus on what is truly important.

We must find a point at which to sustain and maintain ourselves, because our resources of time, talent, and treasure are, unlike Pi, are not infinite.

The Hero Within

Growing up I loved comic books. Beyond the great art and captivating storylines there was a great appeal in the worlds created by Stan Lee and his cohort. In comic books regular people became heroes. Nerds bitten by spiders, orphaned superhumans, and victims of great wrongs all choose to rise above their plight to become heroes.

With few exceptions every superhero/heroine lived two lives: one as a superhero and another as a “regular person.” Often time’s conflicts arise when the two lives clashed, drawing out greater drama. While I have not actively followed any particular storyline for some 10 years or more I still occasionally stroll through the aisles at bookstores to peruse the shelves.

It dawned on me some time ago that many of us lead dual lives. While there is the person who we are each and every day there is another version of ourselves that lives deep down at the core of who we are. This is the version of ourselves that is perhaps the best, most confident, most put together incarnation of each of us. Often times, however, this part of us is held down by fear, doubt, and pressures from the outside world.

Each of us has a self and a super-self. The super-self never fumbles words, never misses a chance to stand for justice, and lives with no regret. This is true for all of us—including myself. There are times when Nick plays it safe instead of making the stand that I’m sure Super-Nick would have taken.

Over the years the distance between Nick and Super-Nick has closed as my confidence has grown and my skin has thickened – but there is still work to be done. I used to become frustrated by this journey, but it is in the journey that we learn the lessons and face the tests that can make us true heroes and heroines.

With each challenge we have the opportunity to become a little bit more like the person we want to be, the person we are truly meant to be. The goal, it seems, would be to unify these versions of ourselves or perhaps—over time—to allow the inner hero to emerge as the only version of who we are.

Let us stand for what is right, despite the possibility of ridicule.

Let us have the courage to speak truth, especially when it is not popular.

Let us be governed by a sense of honesty with ourselves and a commitment to do what you say you will do (DWYSYWD).

Let us become who we pretend to be in the deep dark places of our hearts and minds where fear, peer pressure, and the expectations of others hold no sway.

Let us become the people whom we are truly meant to be.