Everything I learned in life I learned from watching Star Wars….

“This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless” Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back

It’s hard to say what is so intriguing and at the same time scary about the future. Yet, we often times are captivated by the possibilities, good or bad. Considering the time that is not now, but has not yet happened is often an activity which is significantly impacted by our current state of mind.

The future can be full of possibility if we are happy, excited, encouraged about the present, or if we are so disgusted by the present that we cling to the hope of a better tomorrow.

The future can be full of anxiety and fear if we allow ourselves to be consumed by the unknown threats that lurk in the shadows of tomorrow. Unseen expenses, medical problems, war, taxes, death, the end of the world, etc. – can and do plague our notions of the future from time to time.

But another wizened figure from my childhood echoed Yoda’s warning to look in a much more direct and practical way. When one of my siblings, cousins, or I would get worked up about something and really worry, my sainted Irish Grandma used to tell us, “don’t borrow trouble.” Simple as that.

- Don’t worry about failing your math test—just study hard, get a good nights sleep, and do your best, or

- Don’t worry about if the girl you like will marry you – ask her out and see how it goes from there, or

- Don’t worry about … well you get the point.

Grandma and Yoda would both agree that preparing for the future is a great idea. Save your money, do your Jedi exercise, eat right, study hard…but don’t let projections of a future that is uncertain dominate your entire world view. If you do that, you’ll miss the life that you’re so worried will be harmed by that big bad nasty old future threat.

I guess when it’s all said and done it really comes down to another marker on the path to finding balance. And we must remember that life and the quest for balance are a path—which must be traveled. In life we must remain vigilant for like the servants who do not know when the master will return…neither do we know when a significant opportunity in life or a realization of balance will occur.

De Mello has a teaches this very idea in the following parable:

“Is there anything I can do to make myself Enlightened?” asked the disciple.

“As little as you can do to make the sun rise in the morning,” answered the master.

“Then of what use are the spiritual exercises you prescribe?”

“To make sure you are not asleep when the sun begins to rise.”

– Anthony de Mello, S.J.

Similarly, de Mello speaks of remaining present in the moment. He writes:

“Where shall I look for Enlightenment?” the disciple asked.

“Here,” answered the master.

“When will it happen?”

“It is happening right now.”

“Then why don't I experience it?”

“Because you do not look.”

“What should I look for?”

“Nothing. Just look.”

“At what?”

“Anything your eyes alight upon.”

“Must I look in a special kind of way?”

“No. The ordinary way will do.”

“But don’t I always look the ordinary way?”

“No.”

“Why ever not?”

“Because to look you must be here. You’re mostly somewhere else.”

– Anthony de Mello, S.J.

Safe travels.

The 8 Ball

Last month, I took up semi-permanent residence behind the 8-ball. May and June are jam packed months in both the world of academics (with the end of the semester and graduation) and for fundraisers (as the end of the fiscal year approaches for many on June 30th). Since I am part of both worlds the reality that these months are chaos incarnate is inescapable.

Yet, in the midst of all 100 deadlines falling on the same day and being pulled in a million directions – I volunteered to help a couple of friends out with things they had going on in their lives – which ended up putting me even more behind schedule. When my ability to keep up was called to question it was pointed out that I might be doing too much.

There is one friend of mine who is famous for asking me if I’m doing too much. Over the years she has been a valuable resources and a guide along my professional path. Lately, many of our career – based discussions end with some reference to my taking on too much.

So here I am, aware of my busy schedule and seeking balance.

The irony here is that I often encourage hyper-involved college students to not be afraid to step back. Yet when it comes down to it I’m only marginally better at saying “no” than I was as a hyper-involved college students no so many years ago. But I know myself well enough to realize that there are reasons for this constant immersion.

= I believe that people don’t help each other enough anymore.
=Nurture – anyone who’s grown up with a big family knows that no matter your place in the rank and file you are expected to pitch in and help. When things need to be done it doesn’t matter whose project it is everyone settles in and lends a hand.
=Nature – Whether it is inspired by the reasons above or not, I come from a long line of servant leaders. Both of my parents are active in our lives, the lives of our extended family, our church community, etc. My grandparents were the same way and on and on. Helping people out is part of who we are.

I’m predisposed to help people out. I make absolutely no apologies for that habit, and am fiercely proud that service is such a part of the fabric of my family and upbringing. That said, like with all things there must be balance.

Is it really ‘service’ if helping people is fueled by guilt or compulsion?

No, probably not.

Is service pure and valuable if it is fueled by pride and ego?

I don’t think so.

In the final analysis it comes back to balance.

To be generous is good…to put your family in the poorhouse to help others is irresponsible.

To be a servant is good…to allow yourself to be exploited and abused is often times ill-advised.

To be other focused is good…to use that focus to avoid your own problems is unhealthy.

I guess it boils down to a notion that it’s not enough to simply think or say or do. There must be balance between action, motivation, impact, and meaning.

Walking Retreat - Day 3

Part III: Perspective
Tuesday May 18, 2010

Today I set out on the trip home. Last night I had a dream about work and woke with concerns over the upcoming events, and other quickly approaching deadlines. The progress made over the past few days seemed to evaporate as quickly as the water in this arid countryside. After collecting myself a bit, I realize that my jarring back to reality was inevitable. I also reminded myself that no matter how consuming work can be at times that we are all more than our jobs and titles. Human beings are dynamic and are governed as much by feelings as ideas and thoughts. No matter how logical we’d like to claim to be at our root we are driven by feelings.

I had a couple of hours to wait in the international terminal of the airport before my flight. So I used that time to watch people and think about my trip. As I walked around the terminal the complexity of life struck me like a mack truck. I saw families with children, an old man pushing his wife in a wheelchair, and people conversing in half a dozen languages.

There was no way to tell who these people were just from casual 3rd party observation. You could tell, however, that there were deep relationships, vibrant passions, differing opinions, and many more emotions present in the terminal. If I was still obsessing about the pile of work that was waiting for me I would have missed this reminder about the complexity and beauty of life and relationships.

I guess there really is something to living in the moment.

Walking Retreat - Day 2

The power of silence
Monday May 17, 2010

Since we’ve been traveling we’re pretty cut off from work and life at home – no phones, limited e-mail access, too far away to fix any problems at work, etc. The result is that we have plenty of time to just be ourselves and recharge. On this trip I took the opportunity to simply enjoy the silence and focus on being present in the moment.

Too often it seems that I spend so much time worrying about insignificant details that I miss the greater beauty of the experience. I’ve spent entire trips fretting over “camera” or “journaling” issues concerned with remembering/recollecting/or sharing the trip that I’ve missed out on experiencing the trip in the first place.

This time around I didn’t take one picture. I did write a bit, but at my leisure, not at the expense of being present in the moment. I spent more time that I can currently recollect just sitting on the patio with a glass of water or bottle of beer. No book, no conversation, not particularly watching anything, not particularly thinking about anything, just enjoying the day.

At one point Greg asked me if I was ok (presumably because I was so quiet).

Yes, it's the quite that I've been seeking.

The challenge will be returning to the noise.

Walking Retreat - Day 1

The next series of blog entries were written the old fashioned way (long hand on paper) during my most recent travels up north. I used the four days as a sort of “walking retreat” where my primary focus was reflection and rejuvenation. I feel that the experience was a great success.

Part I:
Sunday May 16, 2010

We find ourselves in Edmonton this morning after a whirlwind weekend of Scholarship Dinner and then an early flight out of O’Hare. It’s amazing what a few thousand miles and a reunion with family in a little house in the country can do for the soul. We’ve missed Greg, Kelly, and Jaxon very much, but our reunion has been seamless as if we’ve never been apart.

I am very thankful for the relationship I’ve found here with my in-laws. It seems almost effortlessly that we’ve quickly become a family. The best part is that my Mom and Dad get along famously with Kelly and Greg – and it’s very reassuring to have that extra layer of support and unity.

Being here, we’ve truly been able to relax. Distractions from work and the tedium of our routine are literally hundreds of miles away. No cell phones reception, no regular internet access, it’s been wonderful.

Here, in the Canadian west, I am reminded that life doesn’t have to be particularly complicated. Sure, if you focus on the minutia (which we all do at times) it can get overwhelming, but on another level life is a series of tough decisions that shape and form us. My life in the last year has changed drastically – for the better mind you – but still a fundamental shift has occurred and must be acknowledged.

As I’ve tried to make sense of life, the world, and my new place/role in it it’s become clear that we are far more than any one aspect of our life. We are more than our job or any labels assigned by others or ourselves. We are potentially all of these things and much, much, more. That is a very encouraging thought.

I have spent considerable time reflecting on the words of Mother Teresa who said, "Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin."

You don't get much more to the point than that.

Thanks for asking...

I've been reading a lot of the writings of Anthony de Mello, S.J. over the past couple of years. De Mello is famous for saying/writing things that are hard for us to hear. He admits it. In his wonderful book based on his retreat work de Mello famously says, "You're an ass. I'm an ass. And that's ok." It's a refreshing perspective and really the key to getting through his text. He is not an author for the easily offended. He challenges you each step of the way.

On the website dedicated to his teachings (http://www.demello.org/) de Mello offers "one minute wisdom" that are gentle guides to keep us in the right mindset for getting through the day. One of my favorites is this:

ADULTHOOD To a disciple who was always at his prayers the Master said, When will you stop learning on God and stand on your own two feet? The disciple was astonished. But you are the one who taught us to look on God the Father! When will you learn that a father or mother isn't someone you can lean on but someone who rids you of tendency to lean? – Anthony de Mello, S.J.

Isn't that a great sentiment? A parent is one who rids us of the tendency to lean. How true. I think back to my own family and parents. We were never pressured to be this or study that -- rather we were challenged to find what made us happy and pursue that to its end conclusion. Don't get me wrong we were all encourage to do something after high school and be mindful of grades--but those were more general guidelines.

In light of the upcoming holiday in honor of mothers I'd like to take a quick moment and say thank you to my Mom. I remember in high school Mom encouraged us to be well rounded and try many different activities so we could have a good foundation in a lot of different things. Her theory was simply that we had the rest of our lives to specialize as an artiest, athlete or academic but high school was a good chance to diversify the interest portfolio.

One thing that will always stand out in my mind is that it was common for Mom (and Dad) to ask about our day. No matter how tired, busy, or frustrated they may have been with thier life they always asked my sisters, brothers, and I about our day and what happened at school. And they were genuinely interested. They wanted to know what was going on with us, what bothered us, and what got us excited about life. They even encouraged us to take an interest in each other's lives -- enven encouraging the more extroverted ones (like myself) to learn to be quiet and listen.

Beyond the formal encouragement Mom and Dad both offered us wonderful examples of selfless giving and commitment to serving others. For most of my high school and college career my family (along with a couple of my aunts, uncles, and cousins) provided 24/7 care for my Grammie (a formidable woman in her own right) in her final years. Mom worked 3rd shift full-time at a hospital 60 minutes from home, covered shifts with Grammie, managed a household of 6 kids, and was pregnant with number 7 for 9 of the last 18 months that Grammie was alive. Non-stop.

In addition to the super-human feats of organization and juggling, Mom was also half of a dynamic duo that just celebrated 30 years of marriage last month. THIRTY YEARS. You just don't hear about too many of those kinds of marriages any more. But here they are, my parents, still together and still having fun.

The point I'm trying to make is that my brothers, sisters, and I have been blessed to have great examples and champions in our parents. They genuinely cared about us and each other. No matter what happens we know that we have thier love and support, and that is a tremendous gift. It wasn't until I left home and was serving in AmeriCorps that I learned just how wonderful our home was growing up.

Thanks Mom (and Dad).

College is Real Life...with training wheels

It's that time of year again when the students pack their cars and head off into the world. Some leave our corn-husked halls as graduates who will only come back for visits at Homecoming and Little 500. Some will leave and due to a variety of circumstances will not be able to return. Some, however, will return in the Fall to pick up right where the left off.

As Pumas leave campus I reflect on my own college experience. At the time I was so ready to get out into "the real world." We all were, and we talked about it all the time. It was a slippery slope and if not careful college can become, in essence, a four year conversation about what you're going to do next. The danger here is that you focus so much on the future that you forget to enjoy the past.

When we had these discussions about "the real world" my friend used to get really frustrated. "College is the real world," he argued. At first I just thought he was being ridiculous, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense. In many respects college is like the larger world -- only in smaller format. My adaptation to Angelo's thoery is that, "College is real life...but with training wheels." This is true at least at places like SJC where students are allowed to be adults, make their own decisions, and make thier own mistakes -- but with the safety net of having people around who care about them and will help when needed.

This is part of what makes college great.

The sad reality is that so many don't fully realize or utilize the gift of a safety net until they are out in the workforce and become independent. Then it's too late. Employeers are not as forgiving as professors when deadlines are missed, and landlords aren't as patient with angry parents when "Jonny's lost paperwork" means a housing application isn't filed on time. Extended adolecense is creeping from a cynical thoery into a commonly accepted reality and rooting itself to the psyche of American families.

But in college the safety net exists -- so that students can learn, make mistakes, have some successes, and ultimatly grow. I loved college, it was some of the best 4 years of my life. But by the time graduation rolled around I was ready to walk the tight rope without a net.

In tribute to the simple joys of college life and community living I present the following poem written originaly in 2000 or 2001 as part of a Creative Writing Poetry class I took under the direction of Dr. Bill Mottolesse. The poem was inspired by William Carlos William's piece This is just to say. Enjoy.

Note to a College Roommate

I have eaten
the pizza
that was in
the fridge

which you were
probably saving
for a drunk
snack

Damn,
it was delicious
perfect
and cold.

Inspired by William Carlos Williams’ “This is Just to Say”