“Have you ever felt the odds stacked up so high, you need a strength most don’t posses?” There is a certain right of passage when an individual takes a stand for something in which they believe strongly. Whether political, social, or personal it takes guts to stand up and say, “no more.”
No, I won’t tolerate this proposed legislative agenda.
No, I won’t allow you to drive home drunk.
No, the way your are treating me is unacceptable.
The first challenge is standing up for what’s right. To make a stand, we must be honest with ourselves. We must overcome the powers of denial
so ingrained in our subconscious and admit when actions and inactions are no
longer acceptable. This is especially challenging if it means drawing some lines in the sand for yourself, your kids, and in opposition to those we may respect and love. The question
then becomes where is that line between unpleasant and intolerable.
“Every once in a while…every once in a while there’s a day with an absolute right and an absolute wrong, but those days almost always include body counts. Other than that, there aren’t very many un-nuanced moments…” President Josiah Bartlet, The West Wing 2002.
There’s a lot of gray area when taking a principled stand so
the weasels of self-doubt have ample room to play – scurrying in and out of our
mind gnawing at our resolve.
The absolutes we crave, the situations we read about in fiction or pine
for on the silver screen, are rare.
Bad guys don’t always wear black or have ominous theme music play when
they enter a room. Unfortunately,
most of the important stands one makes in life involve opposing the people we
care about, respect, and love.
'There are all kinds of courage,' said Dumbledore, smiling. 'It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. I therefore award ten points to Mr Neville Longbottom.' Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.
Standing up in the face of an enemy can leave one with a
sense of heroic pride, but when that opposition is one whom we value as a
mentor, friend, or significant other an entirely new set of emotions take
hold. In a healthy relationship
discourse can facilitate understanding and reconciliation after such
confrontations. Just as often,
however, standing up risks alienation and damage to the relationship.
If taking the stand is the first hurdle, living with it is
the second. The right path is
often not the easy path, so this is where our resolve is really tested. Moving
forward in the wake of serious disagreement is difficult even if all parties
reconcile their differences. When
one or both parties resign themselves to dissolve the relationship or reduce
the association to a less perfect union feelings of betrayal and loss abound. All the guts in the world do not cause our
losses, disappointments, and failures to go gentle into that good night. We carry them with us, even after the initial
trauma is addressed
“I follow four dictates: face it, accept it, deal with it, then let it go."
~Sheng Yen
Letting go is the hardest part for me. Part of me wants to find ways to
reconcile. Part of me wants to “be
right” and “win” – whatever the hell that means. But the larger part gets stuck trying figuring out what I
did to lose control of the situation.
Letting go is admitting mistakes. Letting go is living with past actions, in-action, and miscalculations. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting what
happened, it means forgiving ourselves for not being perfect and moving
on. In letting go, we dare to step
up to the line and do mighty things once more.
This post is the 3rd installment of a three part
series. See the 1st and 2nd segments
here: Dare Mighty Things and 5 Stages of Grief, Plus 1
“Have you ever felt the odds stacked up so high, you need a strength most don’t posses? … I’m not a coward, I’ve just never been tested. I’d like to think that if I was, I would pass.” The Impression That I Get, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
